Can you explain why there’s so much negative information about you on the web?
Much of the negative material on the web got posted during a time when few people questioned the motives or practices of organizations that claimed to fight for LGBTQ rights. Roughly between 2010 and 2017 (when MeToo broke out), most people accepted the assessments by large groups like Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD, and the Southern Poverty Law Center. In fact these groups targeted me for particular smears because of the fact that I spoke openly and frankly about the inhumane behaviors within the gay community, including not only sexual abuse and grooming but also general interpersonal mistreatment. In that time, many people thought the danger of homophobia was greater than the dangers posed by unchecked misbehaviors in the gay community. Therefore they felt that people who brought information about abuse within the gay community to the public were best barred from speaking in the public square, even if the concerns they raised were based on truthful accounts.
Do you still stand by everything you’ve said, even after all the trouble it has caused you?
Generally, yes. Over time I realized that the statements I felt most tempted to retract were usually the ones with the most necessary truths.
Do you worry that your words have hurt people in the LGBT community?
The thought does cross my mind from time to time. But I have to remind myself that I am technically a member of the LGBT community even though I would describe myself as heterosexual. Anybody in any community needs to point out problems so that people can address them.
What should I say to someone close to me who is gay or trans?
It is important to know that you cannot decide for someone else about seeking a change in sexual identity. The person has to make the decision for themselves. You should be a loving person toward them. But it is important at some point to tell them this: “If you ever feel that you want to change, I want you to know, I will stand by you and support you, and I have confidence in you that you can do it. I will help you every step of the way, because I believe in you.” While these words might not have an immediate impact, they mean a lot to people. Because often people know that there is something wrong with what they are doing but they fear that all the popular myths about the impossibility of change are true.
How can I defend my Christian beliefs and not come across as hateful?
There is no silver bullet here. Jesus Christ made clear that you will be hated if you stand by His truths, because the world loves its darkness. Examine your heart. Make sure that you do feel love for people. Make sure that when you discuss controversial things you are doing so in the best interests of the people affected by the issue. That will come out and be noticed by people who are paying attention.
Why can’t we just focus on sharing the gospel with the lost instead of getting caught up in these controversies?
Because we have to deal with what’s before us. When you see people hurting and struggling in front of you, you can’t decide you feel bored by their problems and you’d rather go evangelize to strangers. Jesus Christ says that no greater love exists than to lay down your life for your friend. You have to walk with people and follow through on the problems that are hurting people whom you have befriended and whom you love.
Why do I see online references to your being bisexual?
I called myself that many times because the term seemed, at the time, to offer me a way of explaining a complicated sexual history. I believe all people are heterosexual because God designed our bodies for heterosexual coupling. So I am no more or less bisexual than anybody else in the world. Bisexuality is a behavior rather than an identity. Nobody is bisexual. Nobody is gay. These are not states of being or long-term ontologies. Everybody, however, is heterosexual because God designed our bodies as either male or female, and to be male is to be equipped to pleasure a female and vice versa. It took me some time to arrive at these understandings so some of the bisexual-identified writing I generated is still online. I am heterosexual.
Would you support gay adoption if there was a baby that nobody wanted and only a gay couple was willing to adopt him or her?
No. The scenario is false. Many heterosexuals still want to adopt. Homosexuals wouldn’t be resorting to surrogacy and sperm banking, or international adoption, if there were an excess of babies that homosexuals alone were willing to adopt. The statistics showing the number of children who age out of foster care are complicated and cannot be interpreted to mean that gay couples are the only solution to kids without parents. Many kids in foster care still have biological parents alive and the system needs to leave open the possibility of reconciliation. If there are kids who have been through a lot of life tragedies and are waiting for a forever home, those cases need a mother and father for stability more than any others. It is wrong to treat them like desperation cases and throw them into a gay home where a mother or father is missing.
What do you say to loving gay couples who have been together a long time?
I don’t feel the need to interfere with adults who have made up their minds and who aren’t seeking a way out of their lifestyle situation. I know that homosexual relationships lack certain key elements that you can only find in heterosexuality, but I do not make it my business to interfere with people who haven’t asked for my opinion. If they are pushing their view of sexuality on young people in the schools, or pushing policies to codify it into law, or trying to adopt children, then I have to resist their efforts because it goes beyond them and affects other people. If there are gay adults who want to change I want to support them.
What about people who say they have known they were gay since they were young and who really can’t change?
I view such people with the same kindness and charity that I show toward people who became overweight at a very young age and who say they have tried dieting and exercise but just can’t lose weight. Our minds have a way of convincing us that a circumstance is part of who we are. We can convince ourselves that because something is very difficult to change, it is impossible. But things that are incredibly difficult can still be done.
Would you rather a child be raised by a single parent than by a gay couple?
Yes, I would. Many cases offer this exact choice, including my mother’s case. In many cases after a divorce one of the parents comes out as gay. That happened in the case of my mother, though signs point to her having a gay identity much earlier. My mother and her partner did not move in together until all their kids had left for college. Her partner never adopted me. That turned out to be a better choice than it would have been for them to move in together and force the kids to deal with new siblings and a stepparent. I have children now and can say this from personal experience: if, God forbid, I lost my wife to divorce or widowhood, I wouldn’t try to force a new romantic partner on my children as a stepparent. You make sacrifices like that for your kids. I would actually refrain from having relationships at least until all my kids were adults. And I would probably not try to impose my new relationships on my kids.
Don’t you think a child just needs to be loved?
No, I do not think that. Adults say that when we want our desires to attain a magical healing power that we don’t actually possess. There are terrible things you can do to people whom you love. And think of a stalker—they may love you but their love isn’t helping you. When we love someone that makes us feel good but that doesn’t mean that the person wants or benefits from our love.